Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'...

Of late my posts have been laments about one thing or the other.. oh wait, i have to check if its actually "of late" or whether it has always been one!. anyways here i am going to lament/whine again, after all if i cannot whine in my own blog then where?? although i am only an occasional whining/lamenting/cribbing sort of person in my daily life , i think i am making excellent progress in that department.

So things have not been great . I have not had any fun that counts as FUN in sometime , forgot the last time i got out from my place other than for work. My social life is null. I have no idea where all my friends have disappeared. that is other than the few i lost to holy matrimony , the other few i lost to the united stated of Amrika , the rest so called available are not so available these days . They are all busy with work, bf/gf , stuffs i do not know what. other day i felt like talking to someone and all i could think of was setting my FB status as " feels like talking..a pair of ears missing " but then decided not to go with it sighting unwanted attention. Also I have started ignoring fone calls :|

Weekends are a nice concept , and if you do not have to work on weekends its a blessing .So this weekend ( my work free weekend ) on Saturday i refused to leave my bed other than for the necessities and Sunday made plans with my friend which later she ditched me to go see her BF. since she only managed to see him only once in a week , i didn't throw any of my tantrums. Hence what i was left with was zero plans and also no backup plans. My roomie was going for a Hindi play somewhere and asked me to tag along but i refused for no apparent reason. To make things messier , i called home to a disturbed mom who has the knack of passing on disturbia.its infectious.. so altogether by Sunday afternoon i was in awfully bad sulky mood..

And then by late afternoon it rained, cooling not just the rising mercury in Bglr. I watched the rain through my window for sometime with Sufi music in the background . But being not the kind of person who enjoys rain sitting indoors , I was getting reckless..I have to be in it. so i quickly changed into some rain friendly clothes and slippers which later proved to be not so rain friendly , borrowed my roomies umbrella and ventured out into the rain. By that time the sky was dark with angry clouds and some occasional lighting and thunder.. all the shopfronts were packed with people waiting for the rain to mellow down .The roads were already mucky and the water had bought in all sort of filths to the pavements.And I just walked. The view was spectacular ..Trees swaying in response to the wind and music of the rain accentuated by thunder and lighting , sloppy couples getting cozy in busstops and autos , highly healed ladies looking serious and grave . i walked almost 2 Kms .. and by that time the rain has reduced to a drizzle and the sun was partially out. It all felt like momentary bliss to me , like natures way of telling to a live in the moment and savour it , or no matter how heavy the rain is , how dark the clouds are , the sun comes out eventually :) . Rain is therapeutic ! So since this was a perfect hot chocolate moment , I had to had to have one right there , but restrained from getting into a coffee place all drenched and muddy.Hmmm..

Maybe I should call home and ask my mom to get some rain herself , but yeah, she will not buy it.. For now, I am back to being happy and glad that i walked the walk. :)

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red
Cryin's not for me
'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'
Because I'm free
Nothin's worryin' me!!

the days of my life are turning into unimportant accidents...
the hours of my days into charaterless chaos....
all the minutes of my hours are turning into morale massacres..
the long seconds are disappearing with a tick tick sound...

The ICH

Ok..I got a day off from work today after slogging continuously for 3 weeks at a stretch, Today was election day in Banglore. So me and my roommate decided to exercise our right to treat ourselves to some fun and good food .We headed to the Indian Coffee House in MGRoad . Spending 200 Rs on auto for masala dosa and coffee from ICH should get you the idea of the ICH fanatics we are . I always take credit for introducing her to the glorious ICH.ICH in MG road is a dingy smoky room in the middle of an array of other shops.we occasionally go there , when we need a change from the usual fancy restaurants . we reached there to see the place locked .Upon some enquiries found out that the place is closed down forever!!! My roomie ( disappointment has already clouded up her face ) wondered aloud " Why the hell did they do that??" . Well , now i found out from certain forums that they got a notice form the high court to close down the place and yeah , the usual hue and cry to save the place . I hope it stands the test of time.

ICH is an institution in itself , a modest place run by modest people serving modest food to modest and not so modest people, for modest prices! The waiters in ICH dressed in ill fitting once whitish uniforms with an elaborate tall hairpiece or sometimes with the Maharaja kind , spotting red belts gives you the first impression of the menu in store. The menu ranges from dosa items to cutlets to bread toast .ICH is a place where decor takes a backseat , its a place where people does not turn nasty if the orders are placed a second late and where nobody cares about the cheap wooden tables , wobbly chairs and stained tablecloths. The waiters do no look down on you if you just order a coffee and hang around for hours , and they would not judge you by the tip you leave.

As Tom Hanks says in You Got Mail “the whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” This is exactly what ICH is not . You only get coffee there , no frills nothing fancy.Only Coffee , NO confusion! . Its a place reputed to have cultured intellectuals , where people met up to discuss politics, thoughts and where idealisms brewed . As they say a lot did happen over a cup of coffee but not in ac rooms and on heavily cushioned couches.

Back home. theres two ICHs. One in the town and one close to home . We always frequented the one in town though . Its a dilapidated building , a house converted . A very faded green paint adores the walls . One foto of Indira Gandhi and under that a mammoth wooden table welcomes you . From the time i visited the place , theres two plastic containers on the table in front of the cashier who sits on a tall chair . One container has milk sweets and other has Cadburys. If ICHs has a frequent visitor award like airlines have for frequent flier , theres a fair chance that me and my brother would grab it . On usual days our order includes a masala dosa , a veg cutlet and coffee , which i think by now the waiters there know. On lavish days we would order another mutton omelet or a fruit salad . Fruits in the salad has more of bananas which have turned black by being in the cold storage and the cream is full of ice. The real fun is when all of us go there after a temple visit or just an outing . Mindless chatter and Masaladosa!

Its a place trapped in time where all the cigarettes people smoked all these years have clogged up the ceiling and sometimes that time happens it has to make way for the newbies, and we are left only with void if we happen to travel back in time.

Have been listening to a few Rahman oldies and i think his music was nicer then than now... and theres nuthing like some rahman to bleed an already broken heart!

I m loving it!

king size dark black coffees with an extra spoon of sugar ,a gud buk, late nite movies , a soft mattress , beautiful weather n ofcourse fone switched off..wut a way to spend a lazy weekend!!

bye bye '08

End of another year and its introspection time for everyone..Personally i never believed in doing so .You do things right and then you screw up a lot ...dats wut u r ought to do right..
2008 was an year of good byes to me, a whole lot of people leaving and dat makes me always sad..Altogether it was a crappy year. if u ask me wut I wish for in the new year,I say I would like people to not believe in their stars but in their own spirit to make life bright ! Have a not-so-crappy year ahead n may PEACE be with ya all :)


All the world seems at ease tonight
And all that I ask when these precious moments pass
Is why can't every day be so bright

I wish every day could be like NewYear's eve!!

when will it ever end????Open ur eyes people!!!!!!!!

I Miss.....

I miss the three ,the carom board ,the fights...

I miss the shouts and the pandemonium...

I miss the power cuts , the big fat orange candle and the fireflies..

I miss the bruises and cuts the summer leaves behind..

I miss the silent melancholy evenings and the drooping dahlias.

I miss the hot coffees , French toasts and the chitchats..

I miss the matinée at the local theater...

I miss the lazy sunday afternoons..

I miss the special masala chappatis..

I miss the black Hero Impact and the wind in my hair..

I miss the girlie-giggles ..

I miss sharing the blanket with u..

I miss fighting to be on the right side of the bed..

I miss the silliness of things..

I miss the comfort and the nonchalance...

I miss growing up with the A's and Mr.R..

I miss my childhood....

In my work shoes..

Calvin : Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help ( Calvin can read my mind :D)

You can pretty much fix anything that goes wrong in a team except people .makes me wish if ever i got robots to work with instead of humans....apparently u get to work with real people and heres the bunch that keeps me on the toes all day ...

The curious type ... a hundred questions comes out from his mouth on any given second ...this includes the most obvious of things , stuffs already explained to him ..feels like freeing him from all the burden bestowed up on him and telling him ..Dude!! don't bother..I will do it myself .basically he is the curious plus spoonfeed me type..

another of them is the I can do anything to please you type... he single handedly appreciates m TL's stupid jokes in Hindi , and you might be wondering what is so weird about that..well..His proficiency in the language is quite minimalistic .. weirdo!!.. He is dexterous in combining politics with work too.

There is the third kind , says yes to anything that comes their way , picks up everything explained to them in the first go , never ever does a negative syllable escapes from them , nevertheless at the end of the day they will be right there where they started off in the morning . Their problem : lack of courage to speak up.

The fourth kind is the one who does his job as if he is doing a favor . constant expression on his face is why is this b***h making me do all these, why cant she do it herself?? Kiddo.. u r not running m errands!!!

But ask me which among all these is the pain in the neck guy...he is the smartypants . He acts/talks/walks like he is the smartest person that has walked into the planet after Einstein or he is the treasure the recruitment team dug out..his intimidating animated speeches ,i do not care a tiny rats a** attitude are so petrifying it makes me(us) want to kick his bladder out..AHH!! dream on guys...tera number bhi aayega!!!

Last but not the least is the captain of the deck .Mr.TL .there exist two set of rules in m team. One for him other for the rest .He is so loud, he gives any loudspeaker a run for their money and if you do not abide by his rules, free lectures are guaranteed . and you mite be interested to know his rules.. long leaves even when all hell is breaking loose , phone switched off when on leave n weekends when we are screwing ourselves, comes to office at half past 10 and leaves when the clock strikes 6 ..and rules for us are free lectures for leave request , phone in anytime of the day even while on sick leaves , free lectures for leaving early or coming late , free lectures for pretty much anything ..makes you wonder whether he is fulfilling his unrealized dream to excel in the preaching sector..despite all this he is a decent TL. I give him credit for that :D

Whoever said everyday is a battle sure meant it...

I.Refuse.To.Grow.Up

I refuse to grow up...

I have reached a certain age of m life...a certain age where jantha around (read family, friends, neighbors ...all those who know me in some way )expect an whole together different set of things from me, where I am expected to act like a grown up (wut ever that is )they prefer to see me settled (read get married n raise kids )...add to the mayhem basically...you will be provided with reasons too..they say this is the time.. but wut eludes me is how do they know this is the time or right time or more specifically whether it is the right time for me??That it is neither one year later nor was it one year before..but NOW… How come they know what is right for me, what works for me or just because I reached a certain age I should be doing certain things, despite the fact that whether I want to do those … I find it difficult to comprehend jantha’ point.

Giving it a thot…almost all from my age group are married…some have kids, one of them even has twins...but I never got tempted/inspired/lets give it a try thot..nope.nothing .never. I remember reading somewhere man is born free but everywhere in chains, and most of the chains are self imposed,, courtesy of marriage, the only difference is whether you end up liking the chain or not..But a chain nevertheless.. and kids..ofcourse kids are on the cards,,but am I ready..well, the answer is NO..And all they say is its time …

So what should I be doing now, do not lend my ear to the experienced jantha and do it when I feel the time is right? Or...… Sigh…Anyways as far as jantha refuses to fathom my point, I do not have much of a choice rite... Emotional blackmailing is what I detest and I know for sure one day I will succumb to the same whether I like it or not... jeez….who’s in charge of my life????

Anyways letting u jantha know once gain…I refuse to grow up!!!

R.I.P frend...

One of my ex team member met with an accident some days back.Following day we got the dreadful news that he passed away.what followed was a ghastly chain of events which set me thinking..About the boy, lemme call him vj..since thats what he called himself, was a tall lean fellow with a good temperament. we were good Friends, being a late joinee to the team, he treated everyone with respect, and worked hard to prove his metal . we shared adjacent cabins in office, pulled each others leg in every opportunityt. Sitting 10 meters away ,e-fighting as we always used messenger facility to the max on a free day at ofc . I only hav fond memories of him just like everyone else.

Occasionally i think about him, still have not digested the fact that hes not sharing world space with me anymore. On the day i got the terrible news i kept checking the messenger , praying the news be wrong hoping i get the pop up saying vj has singed in...but whole day whole week his profile said away den some days later it said offline. for the messenger thats wut he is now..hes just offline..

In office though there was no official mails about the mishap , nothing from corporate service/human resources whatsoever.Mabbe its because stuff like this doesnot add any value to the company , doesnot delight the stake holders in any way,so why waste corporate bandwidth rite. The only thing the company did as far as i know is they deleted vj's profile in no time. it was like he never existed. made him a ghost in one day..for the company he worked thats wut he is now... a profile that is flagged deleted or something in the database..

One of our teammate showed the courtesy of sending an unofficial mail to everyone who have known him.What followed was a chain mail about how well a person he was and how good he was at his work..i felt sick reading all that ..did not reply to the mail.. dint not let any of those contaminate my thoughts of him, to me he will be just vj.and i do not pretty much care how well he knew java or anything for that matter...among all the mails send around mourning over his death, there were two which stood out. One from his current team lead ..sharing to his team mates how good he was at his work, and best part:the mail was send to vj too...i sincerely hope vj cannot check mails where ever he is now.Another one was from the person who selected vj to the team, it was about his take on how vj dint get thru the interview but still how he believed in vj's talent.I felt something turn upside down in my stomach after reading that.

I am not sure whether i should be saying this,,but i pretty much have an idea of how will things be tomorrow if i die today ..

VJ..where ever u r...May ur Soul Rest In Peace!!

Happy BDay To Me :P

dats m Bday cake :) was a surprise from m roommates at sharp 12 on m birthday ..sweet na :D

The Unfathomable Cycle of Life

I turned a year older the other day; the day went well. Even amidst all the warm wishes and laughter something disturbing kept coming up, something inside was roaring high for my attention. Following day on my way to office, my mind took the liberty of questioning itself, more like a feedback form they pass around after a boring presentation .It raised half a dozen not so pleasant questions which on any other day I would have readily avoided but this time it was different it was the brand new day of my brand new year. Was I happy to be alive, what would be the one thing I would be doing if it were m last day? Does my work excite me enough to make me look forward to hitting office the next day?? Pretty heavy stuff on an innocent morning to confront huh??Well there was no escaping this time..

I should be the hip and happening software professional drawing fat salary end of month working in air-conditioned rooms all day, partying hard n hanging out with fellow “cool’’ software professionals on weekends to fit the picture of a modern day working woman. Real picture: I was feeling pretty miserable myself. I was not doing the things I want to do anymore, the "ever exploring new horizons me" have long gone lost somewhere in the woods, not seeing the places I wanted to see, around people I do not care a darn about, I go to the flashy spaceship lookalike office, doing the work any average person can do, having all my meals from the office cafeteria with the same people, cracking the same silly disgusting jokes .How I was starting to loathe all this and felt exasperated inside!!! In short there’s no life in my life anymore. I tried to find out my buddies take on this. And boy!! was I surprised, the stories are pretty much the same.. days are spend writing shitty code, drinking filthy coffee reading forwards that have circulated around the world in record time, and nights dedicated to making the mobile network company rich!!

Having got a big picture of the miserable life around , I still was not sure whether to feel sympathy towards myself for the clone I became or rather feel happy for all that I have...I mean at least I am not lagging behind anything rite. I have enough money to spend on a book or a DVD, have friends to call when I need a good laugh.. who shows empathy towards me.. to constantly assure me that everything’s going to be alrite, folks who worries about me when a silly bomb goes boom. I am lucky for sure but maybe the lession I have to learn is you cannot have all the things in the world. As they always say to appreciate what u have keep an outsiders perspective handy...there are people who take a lifetime dream vacation to the Maldives or to the Bahamas and never come back home because tsunami or a hurricane with a silly name hit them , there are people who give the performance of a life time and before the reviews are out , before basking in the glory, they will be in an altogether different world where these things have no meaning...there are worst things that can happen and you are spared for at least this day, this minute. I still can afford to contemplate whether to catch up Mama Mia at the nearby multiplex, or a weekend getaway with friends to a serene place . So at the end of the day you still have to fight your demons but that should not stop us from enjoying a steaming cup of tea on a roadside shack, rain pouring outside. For now on, I am juss gonna enjoy myself!!!

I AM HERE!!!

phew!!!...hope i wunt forget m blog url dis time B-)