lov u, grandmom :(

A terrible terrible week passed by. An unexpected unwanted visitor at home took my grandmother away from all of us... the pivot that kept everyone together has fallen apart.One of the major influences of my life, the most righteous person I would ever have known has disappeared behind the curtain leaving the stage. I always thot of her as Omnipotent thereby making it difficult for me to comprehend the fact that a terrible thing like death cud touch her . She was never scared of death , but leaving her dear ones behind always petrified her. I have never seen her cribbing about anything or anyone and even in extreme difficluties she always placed her discomfort last. She looked forward to all the festivals and holidays since thats when her grandkids visit, and when we do her face lites up like the sky on a starry nite. Shes gone is known to me as a fact but at the back of my mind I still think if I go to her room she mite still be there , still laughing teasing my brother about his girlfriend...but suddenly in the middle of other things it strikes me that shes gone forever . I wouldnot be able to see her toothless smile anymore , cannot hug or kiss her , cannot listen to her stories from the past and a million other things ...thats when I feel the pain of a thousand needles piercing ..

Life wudnt be the same anymore for any of us...

It ain't no funny business!

I really hope the new year is a gud year for people in love. Recently I have been seeing a lot of my romantically linked friends in despair. Most of the stories have uncanny resemblances to various bollywood melodramas although i am not sure about the climaxes. Some of the dialogs that flew in between the couples or their parents are potential movie liners while some reminds us of how movies influences common man's thought process ..like you have to cross my dead body to marry him/her..etc etc..Phew!!!.

The best of the lot is a laugh riot for the spectator . This is of a Christian couple , both belonging to even the same subcaste , everything was going uber cool and smooth with them. Their parents met , relatives exchanged pleasantries , smiled their biggest orbit smile , although you and I know what happened behind the scenes.Dates were fixed for Eng and marriage , halls for the wedding also booked , elaborate plans for shopping were laid out and everybody were in such high spirits. That is when the uncle of the girl a.k.a. the villain of the story made his majestic entrance. He and the girls dad made a visit to the guys house so that the uncle can meet the groom as he have to leave for abroad and cannot make it to the wedding.The uncle while reaching the grooms house , saw that the parents of the groom were fair skinned although the groom is slightly on the darker side and also the dad is fully blind .The smartypants he is the uncle figured out ( don't ask how he came to that conclusion) that if they let the couple marry , their future kids will be blind and ugly !! He also declared that he will end all relation with the girls family if they allow this marriage to happen. Fearing for his future grand kids health and goodluks, bride's dad decided to go the uncle way! The end result of all this hoopla is that the wedding is called off and also the two families have declared war with each other . Now the once-lucky-couple is waiting for both families to drop their weapons and come to senses as they are still dumbstruck with this incredible turn of events.

I for one hope that the couple shed their disciplined , god fearing ..blah blah daughter/son image and do something wild and funny... break out all traditions n end up having a revolutionary wedding. If they do, I sure will be there to witness their union , to raise a toast to the couple!

I Miss.....

I miss the three ,the carom board ,the fights...

I miss the shouts and the pandemonium...

I miss the power cuts , the big fat orange candle and the fireflies..

I miss the bruises and cuts the summer leaves behind..

I miss the silent melancholy evenings and the drooping dahlias.

I miss the hot coffees , French toasts and the chitchats..

I miss the matinée at the local theater...

I miss the lazy sunday afternoons..

I miss the special masala chappatis..

I miss the black Hero Impact and the wind in my hair..

I miss the girlie-giggles ..

I miss sharing the blanket with u..

I miss fighting to be on the right side of the bed..

I miss the silliness of things..

I miss the comfort and the nonchalance...

I miss growing up with the A's and Mr.R..

I miss my childhood....

In my work shoes..

Calvin : Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help ( Calvin can read my mind :D)

You can pretty much fix anything that goes wrong in a team except people .makes me wish if ever i got robots to work with instead of humans....apparently u get to work with real people and heres the bunch that keeps me on the toes all day ...

The curious type ... a hundred questions comes out from his mouth on any given second ...this includes the most obvious of things , stuffs already explained to him ..feels like freeing him from all the burden bestowed up on him and telling him ..Dude!! don't bother..I will do it myself .basically he is the curious plus spoonfeed me type..

another of them is the I can do anything to please you type... he single handedly appreciates m TL's stupid jokes in Hindi , and you might be wondering what is so weird about that..well..His proficiency in the language is quite minimalistic .. weirdo!!.. He is dexterous in combining politics with work too.

There is the third kind , says yes to anything that comes their way , picks up everything explained to them in the first go , never ever does a negative syllable escapes from them , nevertheless at the end of the day they will be right there where they started off in the morning . Their problem : lack of courage to speak up.

The fourth kind is the one who does his job as if he is doing a favor . constant expression on his face is why is this b***h making me do all these, why cant she do it herself?? Kiddo.. u r not running m errands!!!

But ask me which among all these is the pain in the neck guy...he is the smartypants . He acts/talks/walks like he is the smartest person that has walked into the planet after Einstein or he is the treasure the recruitment team dug out..his intimidating animated speeches ,i do not care a tiny rats a** attitude are so petrifying it makes me(us) want to kick his bladder out..AHH!! dream on guys...tera number bhi aayega!!!

Last but not the least is the captain of the deck .Mr.TL .there exist two set of rules in m team. One for him other for the rest .He is so loud, he gives any loudspeaker a run for their money and if you do not abide by his rules, free lectures are guaranteed . and you mite be interested to know his rules.. long leaves even when all hell is breaking loose , phone switched off when on leave n weekends when we are screwing ourselves, comes to office at half past 10 and leaves when the clock strikes 6 ..and rules for us are free lectures for leave request , phone in anytime of the day even while on sick leaves , free lectures for leaving early or coming late , free lectures for pretty much anything ..makes you wonder whether he is fulfilling his unrealized dream to excel in the preaching sector..despite all this he is a decent TL. I give him credit for that :D

Whoever said everyday is a battle sure meant it...

Everyday Heroes!!

A conversation that happened between me and an auto driver ..goes like this...

Scene 1 : I stop an auto

driver : where to?
me : Forum ( my place to forum doesnot cost more than 18 rs on any meter )
driver : ok ..get in

Scene 2 : I hop in to the auto

driver :How much will u pay me?
me: meter charge
driver : thats fine. how much is minimum meter charge though?
me: 14 rs
driver nodes his head in disagreement
me : then how much is it?
driver : 35 rs..
me: what? ( surprised look on m face )
driver : u need to pay only meter charge , but minimum charge is 35 rs.. ( he sits with a sad expression on his face )

Scene 3 : I mount down his chariot ...gets another auto ...

One smart auto driver ( or dumb) huh....he needs only minimum meter charge and that being 35 is ofcourse not his fault right B-)

I.Refuse.To.Grow.Up

I refuse to grow up...

I have reached a certain age of m life...a certain age where jantha around (read family, friends, neighbors ...all those who know me in some way )expect an whole together different set of things from me, where I am expected to act like a grown up (wut ever that is )they prefer to see me settled (read get married n raise kids )...add to the mayhem basically...you will be provided with reasons too..they say this is the time.. but wut eludes me is how do they know this is the time or right time or more specifically whether it is the right time for me??That it is neither one year later nor was it one year before..but NOW… How come they know what is right for me, what works for me or just because I reached a certain age I should be doing certain things, despite the fact that whether I want to do those … I find it difficult to comprehend jantha’ point.

Giving it a thot…almost all from my age group are married…some have kids, one of them even has twins...but I never got tempted/inspired/lets give it a try thot..nope.nothing .never. I remember reading somewhere man is born free but everywhere in chains, and most of the chains are self imposed,, courtesy of marriage, the only difference is whether you end up liking the chain or not..But a chain nevertheless.. and kids..ofcourse kids are on the cards,,but am I ready..well, the answer is NO..And all they say is its time …

So what should I be doing now, do not lend my ear to the experienced jantha and do it when I feel the time is right? Or...… Sigh…Anyways as far as jantha refuses to fathom my point, I do not have much of a choice rite... Emotional blackmailing is what I detest and I know for sure one day I will succumb to the same whether I like it or not... jeez….who’s in charge of my life????

Anyways letting u jantha know once gain…I refuse to grow up!!!

R.I.P frend...

One of my ex team member met with an accident some days back.Following day we got the dreadful news that he passed away.what followed was a ghastly chain of events which set me thinking..About the boy, lemme call him vj..since thats what he called himself, was a tall lean fellow with a good temperament. we were good Friends, being a late joinee to the team, he treated everyone with respect, and worked hard to prove his metal . we shared adjacent cabins in office, pulled each others leg in every opportunityt. Sitting 10 meters away ,e-fighting as we always used messenger facility to the max on a free day at ofc . I only hav fond memories of him just like everyone else.

Occasionally i think about him, still have not digested the fact that hes not sharing world space with me anymore. On the day i got the terrible news i kept checking the messenger , praying the news be wrong hoping i get the pop up saying vj has singed in...but whole day whole week his profile said away den some days later it said offline. for the messenger thats wut he is now..hes just offline..

In office though there was no official mails about the mishap , nothing from corporate service/human resources whatsoever.Mabbe its because stuff like this doesnot add any value to the company , doesnot delight the stake holders in any way,so why waste corporate bandwidth rite. The only thing the company did as far as i know is they deleted vj's profile in no time. it was like he never existed. made him a ghost in one day..for the company he worked thats wut he is now... a profile that is flagged deleted or something in the database..

One of our teammate showed the courtesy of sending an unofficial mail to everyone who have known him.What followed was a chain mail about how well a person he was and how good he was at his work..i felt sick reading all that ..did not reply to the mail.. dint not let any of those contaminate my thoughts of him, to me he will be just vj.and i do not pretty much care how well he knew java or anything for that matter...among all the mails send around mourning over his death, there were two which stood out. One from his current team lead ..sharing to his team mates how good he was at his work, and best part:the mail was send to vj too...i sincerely hope vj cannot check mails where ever he is now.Another one was from the person who selected vj to the team, it was about his take on how vj dint get thru the interview but still how he believed in vj's talent.I felt something turn upside down in my stomach after reading that.

I am not sure whether i should be saying this,,but i pretty much have an idea of how will things be tomorrow if i die today ..

VJ..where ever u r...May ur Soul Rest In Peace!!

Happy BDay To Me :P

dats m Bday cake :) was a surprise from m roommates at sharp 12 on m birthday ..sweet na :D

The Unfathomable Cycle of Life

I turned a year older the other day; the day went well. Even amidst all the warm wishes and laughter something disturbing kept coming up, something inside was roaring high for my attention. Following day on my way to office, my mind took the liberty of questioning itself, more like a feedback form they pass around after a boring presentation .It raised half a dozen not so pleasant questions which on any other day I would have readily avoided but this time it was different it was the brand new day of my brand new year. Was I happy to be alive, what would be the one thing I would be doing if it were m last day? Does my work excite me enough to make me look forward to hitting office the next day?? Pretty heavy stuff on an innocent morning to confront huh??Well there was no escaping this time..

I should be the hip and happening software professional drawing fat salary end of month working in air-conditioned rooms all day, partying hard n hanging out with fellow “cool’’ software professionals on weekends to fit the picture of a modern day working woman. Real picture: I was feeling pretty miserable myself. I was not doing the things I want to do anymore, the "ever exploring new horizons me" have long gone lost somewhere in the woods, not seeing the places I wanted to see, around people I do not care a darn about, I go to the flashy spaceship lookalike office, doing the work any average person can do, having all my meals from the office cafeteria with the same people, cracking the same silly disgusting jokes .How I was starting to loathe all this and felt exasperated inside!!! In short there’s no life in my life anymore. I tried to find out my buddies take on this. And boy!! was I surprised, the stories are pretty much the same.. days are spend writing shitty code, drinking filthy coffee reading forwards that have circulated around the world in record time, and nights dedicated to making the mobile network company rich!!

Having got a big picture of the miserable life around , I still was not sure whether to feel sympathy towards myself for the clone I became or rather feel happy for all that I have...I mean at least I am not lagging behind anything rite. I have enough money to spend on a book or a DVD, have friends to call when I need a good laugh.. who shows empathy towards me.. to constantly assure me that everything’s going to be alrite, folks who worries about me when a silly bomb goes boom. I am lucky for sure but maybe the lession I have to learn is you cannot have all the things in the world. As they always say to appreciate what u have keep an outsiders perspective handy...there are people who take a lifetime dream vacation to the Maldives or to the Bahamas and never come back home because tsunami or a hurricane with a silly name hit them , there are people who give the performance of a life time and before the reviews are out , before basking in the glory, they will be in an altogether different world where these things have no meaning...there are worst things that can happen and you are spared for at least this day, this minute. I still can afford to contemplate whether to catch up Mama Mia at the nearby multiplex, or a weekend getaway with friends to a serene place . So at the end of the day you still have to fight your demons but that should not stop us from enjoying a steaming cup of tea on a roadside shack, rain pouring outside. For now on, I am juss gonna enjoy myself!!!

I AM HERE!!!

phew!!!...hope i wunt forget m blog url dis time B-)